Archive for January, 2009

My Past Superbowl Experiences (the college years)

January 29, 2009

During my high school career, the Patriots won two Superbowls. I watched them like a good little high schooler would: stone cold sober. I enjoyed every minute of it. I only went to one of the parades, my senior year, but I had a blast. Once I got to college, I obviously had to step it up a notch.

Freshman year 3 of my “girls” and I drank a handle of Smirnoff citrus followed by a few bud lights, followed by smoking a bowl, followed by an obscene amount of domino’s(which to this day I truly can no longer eat). One of my friends fell down the stairs of the dorm and was bleeding from the leg. I’m pretty sure we fixed her up with duct tape. I returned to my room and realized I had to get my laundry from the dryer. I scurried down to the laundry room and then it happened. I had a horrible nauseating feeling. I pushed the basket aside and barfed all over the laundry room floor of my dorm (see future post Why am I Single?).
Sophomore year was a little more tame – only a few bud lights, no dominos. Probably because the Pats weren’t in it and the most intense episode of Grey’s Anatomy was on immediately after (if you don’t know which episode I’m referring to…it’s the bomb episode DUH!) All solid reasons for not stepping into the black. Junior year, again no Pats, so vague memories of art projects and a mozzarella stick or two are coming to mind…wild right?

Now, the majority of New Englanders would agree that last year’s superbowl, “black sunday” if you will, may have been the worst day of their life as a sportsfan . I can’t argue with that, but in terms of college partying, this had to be one of the greatest days…ever.

I woke up still decently intoxicated from having participated in my first ever “Edward 40-hands” the night before. I was first to finish for girls (again see future post Why am I Single?) We headed to the grocery store to get the ingredients for our superbowl snacks. Clearly I was immediately distracted by bottles of champagne (it’s a holiday right?) and the 24 oz. bud lights (later dubbed “big boys”) . By 2 p.m. we were well on our way. We headed to the campus bar for more “pregaming”. Keep in mind, we were wearing sweatpants and I donned a shirt that said “this is my fun shirt” and clearly…I was having fun. With a pitcher in each hand we continued the binge.

We watched in agony, as the Pats blew the perfect season. But we were bordering the black… and thought “this night can’t end”. We bee bopped through the quad, wreaked havoc in the sophomore dorm, and tried to kick down a door in another in an effort to recruit partiers. By this time, all of campus was fast asleep dreaming that the night had not happened. We decided to exploit their slumber. We headed towards the junior suites…We thought “let’s do a service to the college and rid these underage students of their contraband”. Obviously in our hazy minds it came out more like: “LET’S RANSACK THE SUITES”.

All these unknowing coeds left the doors to their suites unlocked. We casually walked in opened up a the fridge of our first victim and found a few straggling assorted beers. We took them. We head down one floor. two drawers full of bud lights. JACKPOT. But where to store them? We didn’t think this through…to the trash room we go. We find a box and start loading it up, we’ ve probably hit 6 fridges at this point…we head back across the parking lot to my house to unload. Round 2? Absolutely. This continues for an unknown amount of time. As we found beverages we wanted to try along the way we “sampled” them in chugging-like fashion .
Highlights: 1) an XL trash bag full of assorted magic hats, sam adams, miller lights and bud lights – felt like Santa on Christmas eve. 2) 2 Heineken Mini-kegs 3) A half-full miller lite 30 with a piece of lined paper and a note in pencil that read “DO NOT DRINK” – ganked, obvi. 4) We got locked out after one of our drops- I scampered around to some unknowing junior girls window “I’m locked out!” She lets me in ..we I continue to ransack. 4) 4:00 a.m. rolls around “this night is epic, epic”.

We woke up the following morning to find my kitchen looking like a beverage warehouse. I honestly wish we had taken in inventory of all the beer/wine/booze we had stolen. The following food items had also been stolen: a carton of cupcakes, pretzel sticks, and tostitos.

1:00 p.m. rolls around. Unfortunately, I am not able to make it to my one class of the day. I am a waste of life. I had to skip beginning dance class.

4:00 p.m. lacrosse practice. it is sprinting day. I now actually know what death feels like. Oh and I have a paper do the following day that I had not yet begun(which I end up getting an A on, God I loved college).

This year’s experience cannot possibly live up to the events that occurred last Superbowl Sunday. Not to say I’m no longer a good time; I do still have my fun shirt…but if I broke into my neighbor’s house while they were sleeping I would most likely be spending the night at the Boston Police Station. Maybe this will be one of those more low key years…Mozzarrella sticks anyone?

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January 27, 2009

Okay, I am gonna tell you this straight out. A friend of mine asked me to blog about how awesome he is. Now I suppose I can’t just classify him as a friend – he is my sister’s boyfriend – so I guess some sort of familial guilt made me feel obliged (please note: his modesty will not be an attributing characteristic to his awesomeness).

So let us begin…

I guess – as you can see from the picture to the left – he has huge muscles. I mean who wouldn’t swoon over that 6 pack (it might be an 8-pack, I’m unsure). He outdoes Michael Keaton, Val Kilmer, George Clooney and even Christian Bale in his portrayal -without even using steriods. Do you believe it? Perhaps he could be batman in the next one of the series – of course we’d have to get Alfred to update his suit.

He wants a girlfriend with skills. When Valentine’s Day rolled around last year – he didn’t want to take the traditional route and buy candy, flowers, etc. etc. He wanted something useful. When his lovely ladies’ gal-pals or co-workers inquired about what he got her for Valentines day she would have had to reluctantly respond: “He got me karate lessons”. Although he went with a traditional gift – he likes to color outside the lines…my suggestion for V-day ’09 is nunchucks. She can add that skill to her bow staff skills, computer hacking skills and all the other skills she already has.

His favorite song is smell yo dick.

He has a sweet car. It’s pimp – he likes to impress the 17 yr old girls at Peggoty beach with it. However, when his girlfriend and 3-4 or her quasi-drunk twenty-two to twenty six year old friends/siblings stumble out of/into his pimped out ride after a few too many teas..they mayyy just tarnish his image…yet he kept bringing them back everyyy weekend.

He plays guitar – is rumored to have played bbmak jams in the summer of ’08 (I mean that alone makes him awesome in my eyes – bbmak? priceless.)

He’s got a tatoo or two – can we say “BAMF” together now?

He sweats my alma mater.

He instigates my British alter-ego.

He jokes about dumping my sister. But is far too nice to leave her homeless, carless, and single…she also might out-do him in awesomeness…

He gives out sweet nicknames. He and his college friends nicknamed his girlfriend afer a large, antlered animal often found in vermont – it rhymes with spruce. I was formerly the “mini” of the aboved mentioned animal – not because of my size (again see the dream)but because I am younger. I have now been dubbed “delicious”. Upgrade? Obvi!

Although he’s kind of emo (I’ve been told I misuse that word..)He likes to take sweet emoish pics, listens to songs that aren’t on the top 40 (wtf?), and hates drunk girls (he must haveee to like me..) you can take it or leave it. I guess we’ll take it…my vote is for awesome.

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Disgruntled Worker

January 26, 2009

I often describe myself as a disgruntled worker. The most common response from people is “at least you have a job”. But after graduating and having joined the workforce for almost a solid 8 months now…I would say I borderline a disgruntle worker. Now when I tried to think of a list of reasons why I am, in fact, disgruntled…the list of reasons why I should be perfectly content where I am right now grew longer by the second…

A. I have all the free coffee, tea, water, and soda I want.
B. We get free bagels every Wednesday (which I will no longer consume – see the Jaunary 18th post The Dream)
3. I am allowed to wear jeans to work…everyday.
D. My gym membership is free (granted I am subject to seeing naked Jewish women walk shamelessly about the locker room – it is free nonetheless)
E. I got a free computer, a blackberry and a corporate credit card…
F. I can get here at 9:30 and leave at 5:30…
G. I can sometimes work from home
8. I get to travel (and they toads obvi pay for it)
I. I survived a layoff (although I did pit out my shirt and almost faint that day – I’m still here…)
J. I blog at work.
K. I am currently racking up miles and rewards points – to hopefully pay for a vacation…
L. I have unlimited vacation…(which I haven’t yet taken any of)
M. I am not blocked from gchat or facebook (can we say a.d.d.?)

I was hoping to give you the A-Z’s of why my current job is sweet – but at this point I’m sure you’re so jeal. you’ve stopped reading. All in all I guess i’m just a lucky biatch and should sit tight until something better comes along… So for now it’s just a job and I am really not that disgruntled.

“If I advance any higher, this would be my career. And if this were my career, I’d have to throw myself in front of a train.” – Jim Halpert, The Office

”Yeah, I just stare at my desk; but it looks like I’m working. I do that for probably another hour after lunch, too. I’d say, in a given week I probably only do about 15 minutes of real, actual, work.” —Peter, Office Space


January 23, 2009

So tomorrow is a big day for me – it’s my Birthday.

And it got me thinking about Birthdays and how silly they are. They aren’t that special, everyone has one. But…you think your own birthday, obviously, is the tits. Everyone wakes up and is like “OMG it’s my Birthday”. And then their super awesome best friends ask if you feel older. And you don’t. Only if you can buy cigs and porn or actual drink your first legal beer. But honestly how satisfying was your 21st birthday? If you’re like me you’d been to the bars since you were, oh about 17, and you spent the latter portion of your night holding on for dear life to the porcelean thrown because you thought you were the man.

I mean how freakin’ special are you if even facebook lists your birthday with 6 other people. And alphabetically nonetheless…shouldn’t they do it by how many pics are tagged of you? or how many friends or wall posts you have? Just kidding I don’t actually have that many friends or pics… facebook makes me angry no one on my former college campus would have known it was my damn birthday if it didn’t show up in the mini feed, I mean, WTF.

And then there are Birthdays that clump together. And you have to have a big birthday extravaganza. Or scratch that even if it’s just one Birthday there’s all that pressure to throw a cool party. But can you organize your own birthday? is that tacky? What if no one show’s up to your sweet party? And then what happens when you turn a quarter of a century, or even half a century? Do you stop counting? Count backwards? Lie. All burning questions…another burning questions is this birthday causing me to have a quarter life crisis? If i live to 92 the answer is a resounding yes.

So I guess what I’m saying is that tomorrow is just another day in my life. People will most likely buy me a few presents, give me hugs for just being born, and I will get incredibly intoxicated with 50 of my closest friends, and hopefully not reach the black before 10 p.m. (which is entirely possible). But hey happy bday to me!

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The Dream

January 19, 2009

As someone just walked by my desk at the office they noticed a pair of what looks like child’s sized jean shorts. As many people often do, they questioned what those were all about…my response as always went as follows:

Everyone has dreams. I have dreams too, but I mean, right now as a post-college has been that often enjoys a few cold beverage or 10, my most important dream, aspiration if you will, is to be the skinny bitch that cranks budweisers. So basically once I get skinny enough I’ll be able to crank those red,white, and blues in cutoff jean shorts.

So now I guess you understand why there is a small pair of jean shorts hanging next to the gym schedule. Yes the shorts were a joke and yes they are from the weathervane. I was caught back in the fall of ’07 in a pair of butt pocket-less jean shorts. Oops! You only live once right?

Now you might be asking yourself how I plan on getting from where I am now to becoming skinny enough to achieve my dream. Two very simple words come to mind: kashi and ice chips. Okay a few more words come to mind than that kashi, ice chips, vodka tonics….treadmill, elliptical, celery…if you have any suggestions – do tell. I think with my June goal it’s completely realistic. I plan on blogging about my progess as well…

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