Archive for September, 2009

Why am I Single? Wednesday

September 30, 2009

Q: Why am I single?

A: Last week, after my kickball game, I was giving two guys that live in my neighborhood a ride home.

As I manually unlocked each car door in my Porsche-a, the guy climbing in the back exclaimed, What do you live in your car? As he pushed aside my work bag, a pillow, a beach towel, my gym bag, a bedazzled sandal, a jacket and a countless # of water bottles.

Latarian Milton is still my hero…

September 29, 2009

Lattarian Milton is still my hero. I saw this video forever ago but just thought I would refresh your memories.

He just ‘wanted to do hood rat stuff’ with his friends.

‘no video games for a whole weekend’ sounds like a solid punishment…

xoxo popprincess

25.5 is absolutely the age of crazy.

September 28, 2009
I’ve previously discussed with many men (co-workers, soon to be brother in laws, friends, etc). That a single woman goes nutso at precisely the age of 25.5.

Yes I complain (at the approximate age of 23 3/4 ) that I’m single. And I often state, I could really use a sugar daddy. But see the below post (courtisy of Craigslist) why 25.5 is absolutely positively the age of crazy.

THE QUESTION
What am I doing wrong?
Okay, I’m tired of beating around the bush. I’m a beautiful (spectacularly beautiful) 25 year old girl. I’m articulate and classy. I’m not from New York. I’m looking to get married to a guy who makes at least half a million a year. I know how that sounds, but keep in mind that a million a year is middle class in New York City, so I don’t think I’m overreaching at all.

Are there any guys who make 500K or more on this board? Any wives? Could you send me some tips? I dated a business man who makes an average around 200-250. But that’s where I seem to hit a road block. 250,000 won’t get me to Central Park West. I know a woman in my yoga class who was married to an investment banker and lives in TriBeCa, and she’s not as pretty as I am, nor is she a genius. So what is she doing right? How do I get to her level?

Here are my questions specifically:
— Where do you single rich men hang out? Give me specifics – bars, restaurants, gyms
— What are you looking for in a mate? Be honest guys, you won’t hurt my feelings
— Is there an age range I should be targeting (I’m 25)?
— Why are some of the women living lavish lifestyles on the Upper East Side so plain? I’ve seen really plain Jane boring types who have nothing to offer married to incredibly wealthy guys. I’ve seen drop dead gorgeous girls in singles bars in the East Village. What’s the story there?
— Jobs I should look out for? Everyone knows – lawyer, doctor, investment banker. How much do these guys really make? And where do they hang out? Where do the hedge fund guys hang out?
— How you decide marriage vs. just a girlfriend? I am looking for MARRIAGE ONLY.

Please hold your insults – I’m putting myself out there in an honest way. Most beautiful women are superficial; at least I’m being up front about it. I wouldn’t be searching for these kind of guys if I wasn’t able to match them – in looks, culture, sophistication, and keeping a nice home and hearth.

THE ANSWER

I read your posting with great interest and have thought meaningfully about your dilemma. I offer the following analysis of your predicament. Firstly, I’m not wasting your time. I qualify as a guy who fits your bill; that is I make more than 500K per year. That said, here’s how I see it:

Your offer, from the prospective of a guy like me, is plain and simple a crappy business deal. Here’s why. Cutting through all the B.S., what you suggest is a simple trade: you bring your looks to the party and I bring my money. Fine, simple. But here’s the rub: your looks will fade and my money will likely continue in perpetuity…in fact, it is very likely that my income increases but it is an absolutely certainty that you won’t be getting any more beautiful!

So, in economic terms you are a depreciating asset and I am an earning asset. Not only are you a depreciating asset, your depreciation accelerates! Let me explain. You’re 25 now and will likely stay pretty hot for the next 5 years, but less so each year. Then the face begins in earnest. By 35 stick a fork in you.

So in Wall Street terms, we would call you a trading position, not a buy and hold…hence the rub…marriage. It doesn’t make good business sense to “buy you” (which is what you’re asking) so I’d rather lease. In case you think I’m being cruel, I would say the following. If my money were to go away, so would you, so when your beauty fades I need an out. It’s as simple as that. So a deal that makes sense is dating, not marriage.

Separately, I was taught early in my career about efficient markets. So, I wonder why a girl as “articulate, classy and spectacularly beautiful” as you has been unable to find your sugar daddy. I find it hard to believe that if you are as gorgeous as you said you are that the 500K hasn’t found you, if not only for a tryout.

By the way, you could always find a way to make your own money and then we wouldn’t need to have this difficult conversation.

With all that said, I must say you’re going about it the right way.

Classic pump and dump.

I hope this is helpful, and if you want to enter into some sort of lease, let me know.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~**~
Now that’s a zinger – I will try ever-so-hard not to get that coo-coo by the time I’m 25.5.
That’s a promise.
xoxo
popprincess

Let’s Clear Up the Rumors…

September 25, 2009

Last night I cleared up any rumors that I was in fact a single, straight, smart female.

I will confirm the two facts from that sentence that cannot be negated: I am single, and female (I promise you)

As you know I’m a has-been that takes part in many adult sport-leagues (softball, soccer, lacrosse, and kickball).

Since I used to be so athletic, I was asked to pitch. I was doing pretty well, pitching but most of their ‘kickers’ were booting it to the outfield, so I hadn’t seen much action.

And then, with 2 outs in the 5th inning I pitched a beaut out to one of the chicks on their team. The ball shot in the air about waist height to the right of me. Immediately, my former goalie instincts kicked in. I full out DOVE to catch the ball. Not wanting to pin it to the ground, I sacrificed my body and landed right on the elbow. My teammates on the sideline went wild. I think someone actually said “save that one for sports center” (call me full of myself if you want, but I was and am going to bask in my glory).

Unfortunately my big play couldn’t save the game. I continued to remind my team, “Did I say I hate losing?”, hence the fact that it’s likely I came off as the token butch lezi.

We headed to the bar to ease our pain with some bud light and I headed to powder my nose. I sneaked around towards the backroom of the bar. As I rounded the corner in my college embroidered half-zip sweatshirt, I saw well dressed business people with name-tags. They were engaging in small talk in what was a reunion-like fashion. As I looked up I saw a “Columbia University” flag, and the title of their little networking event on the bar chalkboard.


Eff. They looked at me, grass stained, sweaty, in what might as well have been a “Proud to be a Phoenix” half-zip sweatshirt. And thus I dispelled any inkling that I might be “smart”.

So I licked my wounds and ordered a can of Narragansett (which by the way attracts just as many if not more dudes that when chicks drink Budweiser). so until next time,


Hi Neighbor!

xoxo

Popprincess

"Right in the peppercorns"

September 25, 2009

Quote of the day: “Right in the Peppercorns”. Matt Lauer’s face is priceless:

Visit msnbc.com for Breaking News, World News, and News about the Economy

"Face Drop"

September 24, 2009

Saw Sean Kingston Perform “Face Drop” last night on DWTS (dancing with the stars obvi). Yet another great follow-up to fire burning (my former ring tone)

Face Drop is about a shallow chick:

“Saying that I’d look better if I was thinner but you know you should of loved me for my inner”

What a teddy bear he is…

Other hits from sean you just gotta bop your head to:

Take you there

Love like this

Me Love

Beautiful Girls

Why am I Single? Wednesday

September 23, 2009

Q: Why am I single?

A: Lean Pockets

1) I have lean pockets in my freezer.

2) I’ve eaten a lean pocket in the last 7 days.

3) I’ve eaten a lean pocket ever.

Pay it Forward, Would Ya?

September 22, 2009

I, like many others, hate the ‘self-promoter’ on facebook that brags about their 5k, 10k or marathon, triathlon, decathlon and bugs you to donate to their cause over and over, and over again.

Example, “I’ve reached my goal of raising $5,000 for [insert cause here] but if each of you just donated another $20 dollars I could double that. Off for another run by the water, 8 minute miles today :)”.

Bottom line, get off my tits you chronic facebook messager. I’m not made of money. The recession ain’t quite over yet sister.

But, I’ve been thinking, there’s a way I can do something, along the same lines, with no cost to you (and no mandatory physical activity for me). I’d technically be providing you a service. And in turn, my blog could ‘really take off’.

Not sure what I’m getting at? Say Whaaat? Gives you you an escape from your day-to-day monotony. Every time you log onto http://popprincess301.blogspot.com/ and and read the hogwash that I’ve thrown together, you get a nice little chuckle and then return to the world of your cubicle with the same amount of $ in your wallet (and, quite likely, a little less respect for me).

I can promise to do this daily if you follow the plan. So here it is:

The plan is two fold:

1) It’s based off of Haley Joel Osmont’s idea of ‘Pay it Forward’ (Wikipedia says it was Emerson and Ben Franklin who thought of this first, but do you really trust that site?). Anyhoo…all you have to do is send the link to my blog to 3 others, and ask that they send it on to 3 more people and so on. Eventually, the whole world will be reading my blog (keep in mind, I try to keep my identity anonymous).

Yes, this goes against most of what I stand for, but if you’re here, you like the blog, and if you’re friends with good people, I’d venture a guess that they’d like it too.

2) I will use the ca$h I earn from the blog’s ads and donate most of it to charity (TBD, ideas are welcome). It truly will take a lot of ‘Paying it Forward’ from all of you (considering I have only made $0.55 cents since I began using my ads).
So, I encourage you, when you pass this on (ahem, 3x), to point your friends to some of the highlights from the past 9 months:

My Past Superbowl Experiences, the college years
Why am I Single?
Phobia-Shmobia
Hangovahs
You Want me to take the BUS?
Adult Plans
The True Origin of Say Whaat?

And that’s just to name a few. I’ll also promise some new things like: PopprincessFMLs & Texts from last night , Why am I Single? Wednesdays and more!


So that’s http://popprincess301.blogspot.com/. C’mon bookmark it, add it to your favorites, make it your homepage if you wanna get really crazy with me. and don’t forget, send it to your amigos.

C’mon do it.

Fox 1, Popprincess 0

September 21, 2009

Over the weekend I went up to good ole VT for Alumni Weekend. There was lots of boozing and shenanigans, but one interaction with my good friend fox stands out among the rest.

On the ride up Fox dubbed herself our “stimulus friend”. Confused? Well, she’s the friend that won’t get married or have any kids in order to save her good friends so ca$h (uhh hello adult plans can get expensive)
I think she started getting a little depressed about what her future holds, so in all seriousness she asked me:

Popprincess, if we’re 45 and not married, will you be my life partner?

I stare at her, sort of stunned/glaring
Fox: We can get cats.

I respond: Fox, by the time I’m 45 I’m going to be on my 3rd husband.

Without missing a beat Fox says,

“Popprincess, when you’re at a bar talking to a guy, are you thinking ‘Wow, my kids could really spend every other weekend and holiday with this guy’? “

Now I was really stunned, and everyone, including me erupted in laughter. Clearly both of us were kidding (I hope) but I was laughing to hard to even pretend to be mad.
Therefore, Fox 1, Popprincess 0

@johncmayer…WTF?

September 18, 2009

So last night I had a dream I was hanging out with John Mayer.

Seriously.

I have never really had a crush on him or anything, I enjoy his music, but I mean in my eyes I’m still a Zac Efron Girl (yes even at age 23). I would file this in the popprincess’ random celebrity dreams category but this dream was deeper.*

*Note: popprincess’ random celebrity dreams consist of almost making out with a gloved 80’s Michael Jackson at a house party, almost making out with Ben Affleck on my own couch(back when he was dating J.Lo and I actually said ‘don’t worry about her, you have me!’) among others, but those are for another day.

So about my dream….I would say “Step into my World” but last time I started a story with that, my 1 person ‘audience’ looked at me wide eyed and said “NO WAY!” my response was “Hey, it’s my world, you’re just livin’ in it”….

I was hanging out in some sort of dive bar in NYC with John Mayer. I think I was on some sort of girls weekend. Somehow we got to talking, I wasn’t star struck per se, I was mainly concerned with him not finding me interesting.

He asked ‘What do you do?’. Hmm that’s a tough one, I think my response was something like I’m some sort of coordinator at some sort of IT company. I don’t think I got into the fact that I dabble in several leagues of organized sports for has-been adults (soccer, softball, lacrosse and kickball to name a few) and that I coach youth lacrosse. Probably for fear that he would immediately think I was a lesbian.

John’s response was “You don’t seem like that’s what you really want to do”. Well, DUH John…

I’m pretty sure I looked like a sad puppy at that point. And I said something like ‘I can’t just drop everything and ‘explore to find out who I am’…I’ve got bills and loans to pay kiddo…I’m just enjoying one little weekend away then back to the ‘real world’ I go” (Okay maybe I didn’t call John Maybe kiddo even in my dream).

That’s about as far as it went. I woke up feeling a bit unfulfilled.

Upon telling Moose this dream she said “Wow, that’s deep”.
Maybe it is, maybe it isn’t. Maybe I heard No Such Thing on the radio(again, seriously) this AM and decided I didn’t want to take my life and “plot it out in black and white” because I think the best of me is “still hiding up my sleeve” and I don’t want to “stay inside the lines”. Yes, I understand I’m a walking cliche that’s completely affected by pop culture…but moving on.

Maybe I’m NOT that deep..I’ve broken down the components of my dream as follows:

1. Location: I’m assuming that I was in New York because I’ve recently become OBSESSED with Jay-Z and Alicia keys new single Empire State of Mind, even though I hate NY.

2) I make it clear every day when I come home, I don’t love my job, but does anyone?

I can’t wait to walk in one day to say I’m quitting. My parting words will be “Yeah, I know you’ll miss me, but my blog is really taking off”

3)John Mayer: The other day, I scrolled through John Mayer’s Twitter page to check out his shout out to Taylor Swift after the whole Kanye incident I stumbled upon others like this:

I don’t care what you say, if they have sparklers in this “lounge” you took me to, we’re in a club.

“one thing about me, I’m really all about my family.” Really? Because I like to choke everyone out at Thanksgiving. You. Are. A. Gem.

Rule of law: if you tell me within two minutes of meeting me that you are “real,” you are in fact

not. But neat dress.

Case in point. My dream was just me reliving the events documented on John Mayer’s twitter page. So maybe I’m not deep but John Mayer just made me spend the last 2 hours of my morning reevaluating my life.

So @johncmayer WTF?