Archive for the ‘Why am I single?’ Category

Why am I Single…Week of 11/1

November 12, 2009

Q: Why Am I Single?

A: I had the following conversation with my roommate last night:

Me: Ugghh, what should I make for dinner?
Vickie(sarcastically): Well, why don’t you change things up, melt cheese on something.

Why am I Single Wednesday?

November 5, 2009

I know..a day late – per usual.

Q: Why am I Single?

A: ——–>

Why am I Single Wednesday

October 21, 2009

I know you’ve been waiting for this one.

Q: Why am I single?

A: On Saturday, while tailgating at the BC football game, I had the following conversation/encounter with Beef, my twin sister…it went as follows.


Me: Hey Beef, give me a bite of your cookie.

Beef holds her cookie up to my face for a bite.


I proceed to put up 1 finger

Me(mouth full): Hold on let me finish this donut first

Why am I Single – Thursday

October 15, 2009

Q: Why am I single?
A: I have previously discussed the website This is why you’re fat.com. After looking at items like the ‘Cookie Cake Pie’ (A layer of chocolate chip cookie dough and a layer of rainbow cake mix baked in a pie crust and topped with icing and sprinkles) and the McGang Bang (a McChicken inside of a Double Cheeseburger). You really wonder what the world has come to.

But a coworker and I began discussing what we could make that they might post on the website. We decided we could create the ‘MiniWonderNutter’- (A Club Sandwich consisting of 3 Slices of Wonder bread layered with Peanut Butter and Cadbury Mini-Eggs).

No I haven’t actually tried this (probably only because mini-eggs are out of season) but I’d totally eat it if they weren’t. perhaps thisiswhyyourefat.com should link to thisiswhyyouresingle.com…just sayin’…

Cheaters

October 13, 2009

So, I recently, after about 10 bud lights, shared my perspective on what I thought about cheaters. This story is not real, just based on my observations of today’s world. Here’s the cliff’s notes version:

Plot Summary: Cheaters never win, and they make the whole world lose.

When I say cheaters, I’m not talking about the kid in class who is copying off your scan tron sheet on your algebra final.

I’m talking about skanks (male & female).



Characters

Tiffany – Cheats on her significant other

Tommy – Is cheated on by Tiffany.

Todd- Dude Tiffany cheats with.

Popprincess (Me) – One of the many single ladies in the universe.

Chapters

Chapter 1
Tiffany and Tommy are dating.

Chapter 2
Tiffany meets Todd at the bar, Tiffany cheats on Tommy with Todd.

Analysis: Tiffany is a whore.

Chapter 3
Popprincess was at the bar that very night, but doesn’t seem to run into any nice, single guys.

Analysis:
Tiffany is a whore, stealing up single guys when she is not in fact single.

Chapter 4
Tommy finds out Tiffany cheated and breaks up with her. Tommy is devastated.

Chapter 5
Tommy finally begins moving on, his friends introduce him to Popprincess. He thinks she is nice, EXTREMELY pretty, but ‘isn’t ready’ he’s not sure he can trust another lady.

Analysis:
Tiffany is a whore, and Tommy is damaged goods.

Chapter 6
Tiffany begins to date Todd. Todd knows Tiffany’s a cheater and becomes paranoid and possessive about Tiffany. Todd assumes Tiffany is cheating so Todd cheats on Tiffany.

Analysis: Tiffany is a whore. Todd, who was formerly a decent single guy, now damaged goods. Popprincess, still single. Other single dudes out there – Todd stole away a potential lady friend for you.

Chapter 7
Todd dumps Tiffany and exposes all the other dudes Tiffany cheated on Tommy with. Thus, causing several couples to break up, chick fights to be waged via facebook and twitter, and several cars to be keyed.

Tiffany ends up alone.

Overall Analysis:
From what we read in the above story, it is clear that Tiffany is an illogical, irrational, selfish brat. The snowball effect she creates by her cheating is irreversible. Her rash decisions to cheat should have been combated with a little common sense and logic.

As a result, Tiffany causes pain and suffering for more than just Tommy. Todd is now taken to the dark side. Popprincess is still single with all these nice young men being dragged into Tiffany’s web of lies and deceit.

So there you have it. Cheaters never win. They make everybody else lose to.

Let the single be single. I’ll say it – there’s only soo many good fish out there, so Tiff, you leave them be.

Why am I Single – Friday

October 9, 2009

So I forgot to post a Why am I single Wednesday, I was a little pre-occupied with hot 19 year old boys and wanting someone to agree to go to monster jam with me, again that’s Monday, Oct. 26th at the Garden.

Anyhoo…

Question: Why am I single?

Answer: One time this past winter, I was pretty hungover, and I was doing the dishes. I got to a dish that was particularly to difficult to clean. I threw it in the trash, gave up entirely, and went back to the couch to watch crime shows.

Why am I Single? Wednesday

September 30, 2009

Q: Why am I single?

A: Last week, after my kickball game, I was giving two guys that live in my neighborhood a ride home.

As I manually unlocked each car door in my Porsche-a, the guy climbing in the back exclaimed, What do you live in your car? As he pushed aside my work bag, a pillow, a beach towel, my gym bag, a bedazzled sandal, a jacket and a countless # of water bottles.

Why am I Single? Wednesday

September 23, 2009

Q: Why am I single?

A: Lean Pockets

1) I have lean pockets in my freezer.

2) I’ve eaten a lean pocket in the last 7 days.

3) I’ve eaten a lean pocket ever.

Why am I Single?

February 5, 2009

If you know me, you most likely see on a day-to-day or weekend-to-weekend basis the reasons why I am so very single. But if you don’t let’s just say to an undiscerning eye, I am quite the catch. But I consider myself a decently self aware person, and if you looked deeper, if you spent even one night out with me it is likely that you could count these reasons…you might even run out of fingers…

 

For the eternally single girl (dubbed this by my ever-so-kind twin sister), another Valentine’s day is inevitably looming. Girls will get flowers and chocolates (hopefully not at work, thank G it’s a Saturday), lovey dovey couples will plan their dinners and weekend get-aways etc. etc. We single ladies will take this time to reflect on the past year, or even years, and pose the question: “Why am I Single?”.

Most girls think: “Well if I lose 10 pounds, if I wasn’t so needy, if I didn’t find something wrong with EVERY guy I went out with…”. But for me, I utter the above listed phrase far too often, in jest, but in truth, the reasons are far too obvious to ignore…
Interests:
Cats
I have a blind, anorexic, senile cat who I adore. I was once told in college that I may grow up to be a cat lady.
Pop Music
Girls Just Want to Have Fun is on every single mix CD I have ever made. I now have the Miley Cyrus Version on my iPod (I bet you didn’t even know there was one). I own 2 out of the 3 High School Musical DVDS. I own a HSM shirt. Let’s just stop there.
Crime Shows
I watch more Spike TV than any dude. Probably because without fail at any point in the day there is an episode of CSI on. I was once asked to log the number of crime show hours I watch per week. I stopped after two days out of sheer embarrassment.
Lacrosse
At college, in Vermont (red flag: is she a lesbian?)
Facebook
I know things about facebook people don’t even care to know and spend and obscene amount of time on it. I’ve been told I should be in a commercial for it.
Google
I may or may not have any knowledge in my own head. If I don’t know something…I absolutely and positively will google it (even if I am out to dinner and I am creeping under the table on my blackberry).
Beer
Ladylike? Beer belly? Longing desire to drink Budweiser.
Lack of Fashion Sense
jeans+sneaks+hat=Lesbian Lumberjack
Neatness
Not even close to an interest. I am messy. Hygiene excluded, I enjoy 1-2 showers/day, neatness doesn’t even come close to a blip on the radar.
Okay these aren’t interests we must move on…
I make out in public.
I have made out with my twin’s gay friend in public in order to make her mad…I did not kiss a girl and like it but I somehow deemed it appropriate to exchange hickeys with Nugget…in public…okay I’ve toned down since college…
I’m looking for love in all the wrong placesss
#1 the bar
#2 I wouldn’t mind fishing off the company pier
#3 my alma mater (Blackout makeout does not count as a relationship and are you [insert college initials/nickname here] dating? doesn’t either)
A picture is worth a thousand words…


A friend was chatting with someone who did not know me well, they inquired about my boyfriend. Stunned, the guy replied, “Boyfriend? Have you ever seen the girl drink a beer?”
I can drink a full pint glass of beer, with no hands. A trick my lacrosse captain taught me (lezis??).

 

 

 

 

 

I If I am not mistaken for a lesbian lumberjack, I may be found as Sleeping Beauty or Eve.

 


 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I both dance in public and have public dance-offs…without proper training or respect for those watching.

I went to McDonald’s like this….and I definitely made out that night.

I clearly don’t agree with or understand the concept of dressing sexy/slutty/half naked on Halloween.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 


Okay, enough is enough, you get the idea. So I hope, for my own sake that I am not in fact eternally single. And all things considered, aside from desperately wanting to slip into my jean shorts and grab a Budweiser, I still think I could be a catch for somebody. God bless that lucky fella.